

Columbus Was a Dope


	I do like to wet down a sale, the fat man said happily, raising his voice above the sighing of the air-conditioner. Drink up, Professor, Im two ahead of you.
	He glanced up from their table as the elevator door opposite them opened. A man stepped out into the cool dark of the bar and stood blinking, as if he had just come from the desert glare outside.
	Hey, FredFred Nolan, the fat man called out. Come over! He turned to his guest. Man I met on the hop from New York. Siddown, Fred. Shake hands with Professor Appleby, Chief Engineer of the. Starship Pegasus  or will be when shes built. I just sold the Professor an order of bum steel for his crate. Have a drink on it.
	Glad to, Mr. Barnes, Nolan agreed. Ive met Dr. Appleby. On business  Climax Instrument Company.
	Huh?
	Climax is supplying us with precision equipment, offered Appleby.
	Barnes looked surprised, then grinned. Thats one on me. I took Fred for a government man, or one of your scientific johnnies. Whatll it be, Fred? Old-fashioned? The same, Professor?
	Right. But please dont call me. Professor. Im not one and it ages me. Im still young.
	Ill say you are, uhDoc, Pete! Two old-fashioneds and another double Manhattan! I guess I expected a comic book scientist, with a long white beard. But now that Ive met you, I cant figure out one thing.
	Which is?
	Well, at your age you bury yourself in this, god-forsaken place 
	We couldnt build the Pegasus on Long Island, Appleby pointed out, and this is the ideal spot for the take-off.
	Yeah, sure, but thats not it. Its  well, mind you, I sell steel. You want special alloys for a starship; I sell it to you. But just the same, now that business is out of the way, why do you want to do it? Why try to go to Proxima Centauri, or any other star?
	Appleby looked amused. It cant be explained. Why do men try to climb Mount Everest? What took Perry to the North Pole? Why did Columbus get the Queen to hock her jewels? Nobody has ever been to Proxima Centauri  so were going.
	Barnes turned to Nolan. Do you get it, Fred?
	Nolan shrugged. I sell precision instruments. Some people raise chrysanthemums; some build starships. I sell instruments.
	Barnes friendly face looked puzzled. Well  The bartender put down their drinks. Say, Pete, tell me something. Would you go along on the Pegasus expedition if you could?
	Nope.
	Why not?
	I like it here.
	Dr. Appleby nodded. Theres your answer, Barnes, in reverse. Some have the Columbus spirit and some havent.
	Its all very well to talk about Columbus, Barnes persisted, but he expected to come back. You guys dont expect to. Sixty yearsyou told me it would take sixty years Why, you may not even live to get there.
	No, but our children will. And our grandchildren will come back.
	But  Say, youre not married?
	Certainly, I am. Family men only oh the expedition. Its a two-to-three generation job. You know that. He hauled out a wallet. Theres Mrs. Appleby with Diane. Diane is three and a half.
	Shes a pretty baby, Barnes said soberly and passed it on to Nolan, who smiled at it and handed it back to Appleby. Barnes went on. What happens to her?
	She goes with us, naturally. You wouldnt want her put in an orphanage, would you?
	No, but  Barnes tossed off the rest of his drink, I dont get it, he admitted. Wholl have another drink?
	Not for me, thanks, Appleby declined, finishing his more slowly and standing up. Im due home. Family man, you know. He smiled.
	Barnes did not try to stop him. He said goodnight and watched Appleby leave.
	My round, said Nolan. The same?
	Huh? Yeah, sure. Barnes stood up. Lets get up to the bar, Fred, where we can drink properly. I need about six.
	Okay, Nolan agreed, standing up. Whats the trouble?
	Trouble? Did you see that picture?
	Well?
	Well, how do you feel about it? Im a salesman too, Fred. I sell steel. It dont matter what the customer want to use it for; I sell it to him. Id sell a man a rope to hang himself. But I do love kids. I cant stand to think of that cute little kid going along on that  that crazy expedition!
	Why not? Shes better off with her parents. Shell get as used to steel decks as most kids are to sidewalks.
	But look, Fred. You dont have any silly idea theyll make it, do you?
	They might.
	Well, they wont. They dont stand a chance. I know. I talked it over with our technical staff before I left the home office. Nine chances out of ten theyll burn up on the take-off. Thats the best that can happen to them. If they get out of the solar system, which aint likely, theyll still never make it. Theyll never reach the stars.
	Pete put another drink down in front of Barnes. He drained it and said: Set up another one, Pete. They cant. Its a theoretical impossibility. Theyll freeze  or theyll roast  or theyll starve. But theyll never get there.
	Maybe so.
	No maybe about it. Theyre crazy. Hurry up with that drink, Pete. Have one yourself.
	Coming up. Dont mind if I do, thanks. Pete mixed the cocktail, drew a glass of beer, and joined them.
	Pete, here, is a wise man, Barnes said confidentially. You dont catch him monkeying around with any trips to the stars. Columbus  Pfui! Columbus was a dope. He shoulda stood in bed.
	The bartender shook his head. You got me wrong, Mr. Barnes. If it wasnt for men like Columbus, we wouldnt be here today  now, would we? Im just not the explorer type. But Im a believer. I got nothing against the Pegasus expedition.
	You dont approve of them taking kids on it, do you?
	Well . . . there were kids on the Mayflower, so they tell me.
	Its not the same thing. Barnes looked at Nolan, then back to the bartender. If the Lord had intended us to go to the stars, he would have equipped us with jet propulsion. Fix me another drink, Pete.
	Youve had about enough for a while, Mr. Barnes.
	The troubled fat man seemed about to argue, thought better of it. Im going up to the Sky Room and find somebody thatll dance with me, he announced. Gnight. He swayed softly toward the elevator.
	Nolan watched him leave. Poor old Barnes. He shrugged. I guess you and I are hard-hearted, Pete.
	No. I believe in progress, thats all. I remember my old man wanted a law passed about flying machines, keep em from breaking their fool necks. Claimed nobody ever could fly, and the government should put a stop to it. He was wrong. Im not the adventurous type myself but Ive seen enough people to know theyll try anything once, and thats how progress is made.
	You dont look old enough to remember when men couldnt fly.
	Ive been around a long time. Ten years in this one spot.
	Ten years, eh? Dont you ever get a hankering for a job thatll let you breathe a little fresh air?
	Nope. I didnt get any fresh air when I served drinks on Forty-second Street and I dont miss it now. I like it here. Always something new going on here, first the atom laboratories and then the big observatory and now the Starship. But thats not the real reason. I like it here. Its my home. Watch this.
	He picked up a brandy inhaler, a great fragile crystal globe, spun it and threw it, straight up, toward the ceiling. It rose slowly and gracefully, paused for a long reluctant wait at the top of its rise, then settled slowly, slowly, like a diver in a slow-motion movie. Pete watched it float past his nose, then reached out with thumb and forefinger, nipped it easily by the stem, and returned it to the rack.
	See that, he said. One-sixth gravity. When I was tending bar on earth my bunions gave me the dickens all the time. Here I weigh only thirty-five pounds. I like it on the Moon.